After I quit breastfeeding CactusFlower I went through horrible, and debilitating post partum depression/insanity. I was hoping that -that wasn't PPD, just a product of all the stress I was under-marriage, brother, etc. I do not fit the mold for PPD-its too late and I do not have the first unhappy thought about Abraham. (can you imagine-Jesus this could even be even worse.). Though, apparently, I am not alone.
Today is day five of weaning the pump (Abraham started biting at month five.) I feel so, so sad. I can't stop crying. Please, please not again. Hopefully it's because AF is coming -I always get this way for a DAY. I know it's PPD-for now. What the F do I have to be unhappy about? Just last week I told someone I was so happy to turn forty in the next few years-because I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life. The ability to concentrate for longer than thrity minutes-and without smoking and smoking and coffees and lattes. I've gotten years of counseling to undo what my dysfunctional family taught me and finally depression Dx-and how that an unmedicated depression/ADHD bled into my entire life.
FOR THE LOVE OF PETE-I had just now started to get my life together after babies and PPD. I had started making and keeping plans with girlfriends. (for me at least- depression=days when the weights attached to your limbs prevent from caring about anything and the inability to get off the couch. I would just lay and stare at the wall- for hours.(difference between laying on the couch and being kept on it from depression-is with depression you *want* to get off of the couch-you know I'd be sewing like a mad woman-but you cannot.) I imagine this all sounds bizarre unless you've ever been depressed.
Blech. I'm going to go home and pump-potentially forever.
(I'm realllllllyyyy hoping I'll get a good night's sleep tonight and start tomorrow and feel very silly and chicken littish for posting this.)
They say lawyers are nothing but overpaid librarians. So, in my effort to solve this problem, I did research. It appears that weaning in a matter of days NOT recommended. (now listed under "things that are obvious")
Do I seem a bit cheerier? I just expressed milk. Still frozen and sad and hopeless-but less raw.
My research/helpful links:
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross