Why must the lucky ones among us apologize for that luck?
I know, how pissy does that sound? Until recently I couldn't stop apologizing. For being an attorney, for being able to pay for a nice house, for having children, for, for, for.
How ridicilious would it have been had someone apologized for having a great marraiger-when my most definitey was not? Did their not saying it "I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR MY HAPPY MARRIAGE!" mean that they weren't?
I quit apologizng when a dear friend showed me how much I did it-and wondered why. Why is a long story-but I feel freer letting all the guilt go-by stopping the incessant, meekish, always there...."I'm sorry." It's seldom said that explicitly-but always said for the same reason.
I should have known that I didn't even like my apologizig habit. It's hard-and that doesn't mean that I am any less grateful-which is exactly how it's always been.
I've stopped. Of course, what I'm beating around the bush to say-I assume that anyone (the two of you) reading my blog-know that I am forever grateful-and on a daily basis-for my three lovely children. Waking up to them-is always like waking up to Christmas morning when I was a kid--eventually. Honestly-that was immediately the case with two-oh my GAWD! I have two children!!! Now-with three-namely an infant who I cannot-cannot-say no to-ever (seriously, it's shameful). So, some mornings I'm exhausted-and seeing that Flower and Scout removed all their clothes and bed sheets and that my little prince hasn't slept all night-it takes an hour or so to really suck in and feel how deeply I love my girls.
But I do. So, I'm not going to rewrite the smae paragraph over and over about how grateful I am for my children. If you've been here for more than a paragraph or been in my presence for more than ten minutes you know that.
You stop too. We know you're gratful for your one baby-we know that. Stop apologizing. You can be grateful for your one baby and desperately long for another. And who is the universe to take that away from you? Why must you apologize to the universe for daring to want a second?
You don't have to. And I won't anymore.
(The above has kept me away from here. I need to come back. Or go somewhere. I just have to get it out.)