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April 07, 2012


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I didn't realize you had blogged since June. I had checked back a time or two, but apparently, that was before December. I am glad your baby boy arrived safely and that all three kids are doing well. I am also so glad to read that you and K are thriving in your marriage. I admire your committment. I was mostly a lurker before, but I still missed your writing when you stopped.

Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)

I think we (well, I...) have the tendency to apologize because we remember what it was like to be on the other side, to have the longing for a family, and to see how many people we knew took their own ability to easily reproduce for granted. And we don't ever want to be seen as someone who takes it for granted.

There are days when the gratitude is easier, and days when it's harder (way harder!), but all in all, yes. I am in Bliss-Land right now. I try not to spend too much time apologizing, but I do find myself in the habit of downplaying my happiness so as not to hurt someone else. Sometimes I wish that wasn't the case, but then other times, I know how hurt I feel by people who don't seem to understand how hard some things are for me (like the colleague who offered the helpful "why don't you *just* get a sitter?" advice... um, well, because childcare is expensive, dude! And we've never used a non-family member sitter, and I don't want to, just to go to some stupid happy hour with people I don't really like...).

We choose our lifestyle, and I won't apologize for that, but I do try not to be gloaty about being a SAHM, because I know lots of people who would like to do so, but can't for whatever reason. It works for us, I love it, and I wouldn't change it, but I'm not going to pretend that it's for everyone.

Anyway, that's what I mean, I guess, by saying that I try to be careful about singing from the rooftops about how happy my life makes me. People tend to jump from "I'm so glad I get to stay home with my kids!" to "Psh. Women should NEVER WORK and ALWAYS stay home with their kids, FOREVER.", which is SOOOOOO not the case. So, by not seeming happy about my choices, I suppose I come across as apologetic. I need to find a balance, I guess.

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