So in Love. So Scared.

So, I could not love my little guy more. Seriously, head over heels drowly kind of love. I camped out in my room-just the two of us-for a month. He will be spoiled. I cannot even swadle him-it seems mean. Though-I had no issues swaddling my girls. But-they weren't my last. They weren't him. My dear E. 

I'm also suddenly-and finally-very happy. While my law firm has stalled to a drip or clients-I am excited to start rebuilding it. I will move my office this next week-to a small, walkable little town near the city. Three miles from my house. From my office I can see my courthouse and C's preschool. C's preschool is a long look-but still I can see it. And it's a short 1/4 mile walk. Sounds dreamy, eh?

My marriage is-I hate to admit it-better than it's ever been. I hate to admit-because what he did didn't have jack to do with me-as it ever does with any spouse-but I hate that *that's* how we got here. I had so much trouble getting over the fact-that he shattered our perfect life. It took me nearly a year-to realize-we never had the perfect marriage. He couldn't express his emotions-at all. I lived in denile because I could not admit that my marriage-that we-weren't the perfect couple that everyone knew. But we're happy. We made it. Most couples stay together-and that's (so far-and who knows what the future brings in any relationship) our story. After a lot of hardwork on both our parts-me learning to forgive (but not forget) and he committing to a lifetime (or at least for the next years?) of counseling and meetings. He's never been happier either. He beats himself up and still hates the fact that he will live with this "unending abyss of hurt" that will be there forever.  Sometimes, it still makes one of us-or both teary eyed. The last time (on date night) it was him-after I told him, that I get it-finally-it had nothing to do with me. That it was assholish-but a symptom of a very heavy sickness. But he is a different-better-person after a lot of hardwork on his part. Two and a half years of counseling and meetings and a total commitment to us. 

More later. Can't believe you're still reading. Happy that you are. 

Baby E and K have droopy eyes and we all need sleep. 

(the girls love our little E too.)

 

(can you blame us?)

 

Comments

[Platinum Rose]

I'd love to have an invite to your other blog. I can't help but wonder what you are referring to, if we have similar stories perhaps about what we've experience the past few years. I am glad and encouraged to hear that things are now in a much better place for you!

[Photogrl]

Beautiful post, gorgeous family.

Wonderful to hear that you're happy, albeit tired...happy is a pretty nice place to be!

[megan]

Wonderful to hear.

[Heidi]

Really missed you. I tried reaching out to you. I have a bun in the oven :-) I was thinking about you. You inspired me to go back to school... Congrats on a SON! :-) Lucky mama!! Nothing like mama's little boy... I know ;-)

[Apron Strings]

OMgoodness-I promise I can spell. This is why I am so hesitant to blog when I'm tired. which is always.

[SCY]

You sound so happy and content. Your girls are gorgeous, but being a boy Mamma myself I have to say that E has stolen my heart as well.

xxx

[melissa]

So happy for all of you!

[Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)]

Your post... whoa. It really resonated with me. If you're up for it, you should check my latest post (password is same as it ever was, only with an "!" on the end...). I'd love your input.

Your girls and E are just adorable. Adorable, adorable, adorable.

[Brandy]

So good to hear from you and to know that things are going well. Hope to hear a lot more soon - and see a lot more pics!

[Sue]

Glad you're doing so well, and all three of your babies are adorable!