apron strings

Let's Talk About The Weather.

So, I *think* things are getting back to normal in Atlanta. Though, more rain is expected.

My poor assistant's sister-mother of three-32 weeks pregnant with baby four.  Who is on bed rest because all of her babies have been born before 34 weeks-has been trapped in a flooded neighborhood.  They finally got a family friend to drive in with a huge S.U.V.--over other neighbor's yards-to get her and the kids out. They were running out of food and she couldn't sit there worrying about what they would do if she went into labor. She and the kids are okay--thank goodness. 

My mom and I are pretty sure that my brother spent the night in his truck. His cell phone charger isn't working. I told him he could stay with us-of course-but he said he was going to keep trying to get home until he got too tired to drive.  And not to worry about him-and said that that was another advantage of having a redneck brother with a truck.  Here is a picture of one of four roads to his house: (and this is about a mile before this road gets to his neighborhood.)

This is a picture-of someone's BACK YARD. That hadn't previously been bordered by a body of water. It just looks violent.

I think one of the reasons that the flooding caused so much damage and chaos-is that we don't know how to deal with floods in the Southeast-in general.  No one I know-my mom-grandparents, etc can remember flooding like this--here. Maybe flooded yards, etc-but not life threatening floods.  Had there been a chance of snow-we'd have all had food etc. I didn't even know that parts of Atlanta were flooding-until I saw coverage on the Today Show. Or, had the weather produced tornadoes-we'd all have known what to do. 

Cobb County faces a ton of criticism-because they didn't close schools on Monday-until mid-day.  Schools were evacuated-when the water was at least knee-high to kindergartners.  At least at the school they showed on the news. I think that school is now completely under water.  When they did get the kids on the bus-they then proceeded to take them to flooding neighborhoods. To empty houses. (As far as I know-all of the little one's are safe).  It's clear that Cobb-and probably every school system in the state hadn't planned for a flood.  Ever. 

As I type this-it occurs to me-that I have no idea what to do if I thought my yard/neighborhood was really flooding.  Would you? Spill. 

When It Rains. It Pours.

Thanks for all the emails-Cate, k and I are fine. We are the lucky ones. My family, nanny and assistant's houses were flooded. 

You probably don't know-but it's been raining in Atlanta since last Tuesday. My brother's town got FIFTEEN INCHES in a week. A week. Our town, Decatur, got six inches-YESTERDAY. 

A lot of the metro Atlanta area is under water. Literally. Under water. 

Though our county has now been declared in a "state of emergency" our house is fine. 

Most of my brother's neighborhood was evacuated-thank goodness that his family's house is on a hill. But my brother couldn't get home to his wife (there are over 100 closed roads in his county. And, a bridge that he needs to cross to get home has washed away) and children so he stayed with us. His poor wife was a bit creeped out about staying alone with two small children in an empty and flooded neighborhood. 

The whole thing is so crazy. Like most cities- Atlanta has major arteries into the city-one that runs North and South, one highway that goes EW and one that runs along the perimeter of the city. For the past three days A PART OF EACH HAS BEEN CLOSED IN BOTH DIRECTIONS. Can you imagine? 

But of course, the people who have died (I think 9 at last count-one two year old... )  and the many, many people who've lost everything. Of course the areas hardest hit-are one of the poorer-hardest hit by the recession- areas. So flippin sad. 

The rivers & creeks were supposed to crest last night-and while it is still supposed to rain for the rest of the week it's not supposed to rain all day everyday like it has been. 

What To Speak When Your Friend Experiences The Unspeakable

i.e. What to say to your friend when their spouse has an affair. Like infertility- even well-meaning comments can burn. What you'll notice is that-all of you say the right things in the comments. Funny, huh? Though, after all these years of great support and advice- I shouldn't be surprised. 

How To Support Your Betrayed Friend/Mother/Brother/Sibling/Colleague When Their Significant Other Has An Affair

SAY. 

1. This wasn't your fault. (Study after study shows this.) Happily married people have affairs everyday. Ask them "Were you ever unhappy? Did you cheat?"

2.  Of course he is selfish/thoughtless/evil/a jerk. i.e. validate, validate, validate. 

3.  You couldn't have known. Affairs demand deception. 

4. That they are about to find out how strong they are. That you know this about them. 

5. Tell them to get individual counseling. 

6. Tell them that you will support them whether they leave or stay. 

7.  Tell them that if there are details about the affair that they don't want to share with anyone else--that they can with you and you will be their vault. 

8.  You didn't deserve this. 

9. This is about him/her and *their* emotional problems. 

10. No, you're not weak if you consider staying. (but only if they say it first). Lots of marriages survive infidelity-when the cheater is remorseful, honest and willing to change--and proves this willingness with action. 

11. You have every right to walk away-children or not. (but only if they say it first-I am beating a dead horse-no?) 

12. You are not alone. (the best support I've found by far is www.survivinginfidelity.com)

13.  Of course it's okay for you to leave/stay--but only if they say it--i.e. don't recommend either-just validate. 

14. Tell them not to leave the house-they didn't have the affair-their s/o did. (and this has legal consequences). 

15. Tell them that it's okay to want to burn the cheaters clothes/fire bomb their vehicle, to confront the other person in person--but urge them not to because this can have horrible legal consequences-especially in regards to custody. 

16.  Tell them to talk to a divorce attorney whether or not they intend to divorce. The best one in town (it will conflict the cheater out of the best attorney, show the cheater that they mean business-and if someone has cheated on you--you don't know what else they've done-plus, obviously, they don't have your best interests-or your children's in mind.) They'll pay up to $400.00 for a consult--but it will be the best money they spend. And the fact is-if you find out you are married to a cheater-you have to consider divorce. 

Do.

1. Invite yourself over the first night after d-day--and bring food.  You may have to force it-the last thing I wanted was to entertain anyone-and I almost told them not to come-but I was so happy they did.  This would never would have occurred to me to do for a friend in my situation--but I can't tell you how much it saved me when two dear friends did this for me.  

I hadn't eaten or slept in over 24 hours-and I wanted to just go to bed and cry myself to sleep. 

Two dear friends-one with a home cooked meal (enough to last for days) and another with fries, chocolate and ice cream showed up. Oh, and animal crackers in case "I wanted to bite the head off of something." I can't tell you how much that night meant to me--it was the best meal I'd ever had in my life.  They also made fun of all his emails- to his mistress-and helped me change all his email passwords to unflattering names. Believe it or not we laughed for a long time. I went to bed knowing that I wasn't alone. And that I was very much loved. 

2. Tenderly try to imply that they aren't being advocate for themselves if they aren't."Hmmmm....do you think you are sticking up for yourself? Is what he doing to you fair?"  Women, especially, are bad not to stick up for themselves or hold the cheater accountable. 

3. Call them often. My brother calls me everyday and if I don't pick up-leaves this voice mail " Hey Chris, it's your bro-I know you can't/may not be able to talk but if you want to I'm here. You don't have to call me back-I know you're busy-but I am going to call everyday just in case you need to talk."

4. Invite them places just in case they don't want to be alone-for the first time in a long time- but understand if they say no-and keep inviting them. 

5. Give them my email if they want someone to talk to- christina.apronstrings@gmail.com.

Don't

1. Say you know exactly how they feel-because thankfully you don't. 

2. Suggest that they 'try giving staying together a chance' or that "at least you can work it out" or "do it for the children." Because, this makes the betrayed feel like the worst thing that's ever happened to them--doesn't matter. And we are already thinking this. If not beating ourselves over the head with it. 

3. Say that you know what you would do-because you don't. 

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There is a new post on my PWP blog. 

I am behind on sending out the log in information. But if you want the PW and haven't emailed me in the last week please do at: christina.apronstrings@gmail.com. 

 

 

Shiny Shines

So, I had my first trimester screening yesterday. It's a blood test and ultrasound to look for risk factors of genetic issues. Namely, downs.  

(By the way-it's noninvasive and every pregnant woman should have one. (barring a few circumstances that could lead to a false 'positive screen.') There is a myth that you should only get screening if you would terminate-which is, of course, insane.  Because if your baby does have downs or a major heart defect the sooner you know the better-what if you need a specialist on hand at the birth? (Sorry for the soap box-no bloggers have but on a pregnancy board I go to--someone's always busting out with that myth and it drives me insane.))

ANYWAY! Shiny looks great. He's all happy in there. Growing right on track. By the way-I don't know if it is a boy or a girl. I have always thought shiny was a boy-and I hate the thought of calling my baby 'it.' There is a great crotch shot that makes shiny look like a girl. And one that makes Shiny look like a boy. At this point it's just too hard to tell. I remember reading somewhere that at this stage-their genitals are forming and so a girl's labia could be very swollen. 

It looks like Shiny might be a a tad more chill than Cate. I can't remember if I ever blogged about this or not-but Cate has-since her conception-had issues with personal space. When I was pregnant with her-she would kick the seat belt constantly-the whole way home. And the nurses laughed and laughed because she kicked and kicked the doppler. 

So Cate's first screening ultrasound took well over AN HOUR LONGER than Shiny's because getting her to quit kicking and punching the ultasound thingy took forever. In fact, they tech had to walk away and then do a quick sneak attack. 

Shiny's was over in twenty-minutes. 

What's comical about the whole thing is that Cate is still that way. She will not be constrained! Just try tying a balloon to her arm. She goes ape crazy. And she loves balloons. 

Anyway, Shiny is great. And Shiny. 

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There is a new post on the PWP site. 

As of the time of this post-I have emailed everyone with the password who has asked or an email asking for me information. If you have not received an email from me than I probably missed yours-so please do let me know and I will get it to you. Email me at christina.apronstrings@gmail.com

Happy Birthday My Sweet Girl

My dearest Catherine,

You will never know how very happy you made me a year ago today.  You, with your ruddy hair and big ear's-just like your dad's-entered this world with a bitty whimper.  You were so red-faced-not from crying-but from your Scottish ancestry.  

You were so you from the beginning. Easy going and curious.  The hospital staff said that you were one of the most aware babies they had ever seen. And quiet. 

I remember nursing you for the first time. You latched on like a pro and off we went. You did give the nurse-who came a bit too close- 'you better back off look'-while nursing.  

I can't believe you are already one.  Though, you are getting so big and learning so much so fast. I love how you say "aaa deare  og" (hey there dog) to Winston every morning when I bring you downstairs.   

I love how you talk to Raggedy Ann before you go to sleep and when you wake up. You hug her so tight all night. I think you like to make her feel safe. 

You must be the most social child on the planet. You insist on "waving good night" and "good morning" to the neighborhood every morning and every night.  I wonder if you imagine the neighborhood waving back? 

I could go on and on forever. How great you are. How much I love you. How waking up , and getting to be your mom everyday-is like waking up on Christmas morning x10. 

My dearest Catherine-mommy loves you so much. So, happy birthday sweet pea. 

xoxo

Mom

(NA-na)

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Ok, if you have emailed me before the time of this post for the PW-you should have it or an email from me asking for more id info. If you don't let me know--and I will get it to you. There is a new post. 

 

Password Protected Blog

**UPDATE 2:

Username is 'Apronstrings' --or at least that works. Typepad PWPing is the WORST. You should have a PW or a request for more information if you emailed me before noon EST on Saturday. There will only be one PW-so, it won't always be this hard. And, I don't care if you don't comment! Lurkers are welcome to the PW-I just need to know who you are. Well, reallly-who you aren't. 

**UPDATE: I am such a dork-I emailed the PW out to a lot of people from my iphone. Big mistake. Apparently I hit "reply" to the typepad email twice-and emailed the PW straight to the comments. And my name and office address. I am really only PWProtecting to make sure that his colleagues and family don't read it and that he can't read it. Not to be mean, but of course it's obvious why I need to be able to write honestly.

To that end, if I know you in real life, or have read your blog, or you have a blog that you link to -than no explanation needed. But if you are a lurker-can you please let me know who you are? Maybe send me an email to christina.apronstrings@gmail.com from your work or school account? I just need to know that you aren't the reason for the PW ; )

I'm going to reset the PW tomorrow (so the original is good for tonight) and resend out a new PW or a request for more information.  If you don't get an email from me then I missed or didn't get your email.   

I started another blog for the posts that I'd like to password-protect. 

Here is the blog for the password-protected posts.

For the password just leave a comment in the comments and include your email and I'll send it to you. Or, 

Email me at: 

christina.apronstrings@gmail.com 

for the Password. 

Even A Small Star Shines Brightly In A Sea of Darkness

Yesterday was our 6th year anniversary. And then two other awful things happened-because that's the way life pans out. I mean, you never hear of someone's husband leaving them and then they win the lottery. You hear of someone getting cancer and then filing bankruptcy, etc. 

So, yeah, yesterday sucked until late afternoon. 

One of you wouldn't shut.the.f.up and kept telling me through emails and texts to demand an ultrasound because I wouldn't sleep until I did. I felt funny demanding an ultrasound because my husband had an affair and I hadn't slept in a week and had lost now 10 lbs. 

After the FIFTH email/text I figured maybe I should listen to the one of you who wouldn't shut.the.f.up and I rolled my eyes and called the doctor. They gave a little bit of push back  -and said I could have one the next day-then I finally stood up for myself and told them I didn't feel pregnant, wasn't sleepy or nauseous anymore that I have miscarried four times before and that g-dammit why couldn't I have an ultrasound. 

Finally, after numerous phone calls I got an ultrasound 10 minutes before they closed. And they didn't even let me sit in the waiting room-a nurse mid-wife took me into a room-and grabbed the doppler so that I could hear the heartbeat. And I did. As soon as I heard it, my entire body felt heavy with fatigue. I felt sleepy for the first time in a week. 

Then I finally got into the ultrasound room and had my ultrasound. There he was. His little heart was just beating away. And sucking on his hand. Just hanging out in his happy little land --hopefully having no idea of the  chaos swirling all about him on the outside. 

You can't imagine how after looking at him for ten seconds-just hanging out like everything was okay-I felt a wave of a peace through my entire being. That no matter happens-he, Cate and I will be just fine. That we're a team. 

It made my day. The sun shone more brightly than it had all week as I drove home. I rolled down the windows and turned on the radio. And felt at peace. 

What a great way to end a horrible day and week. 

I told a friend that he looked just fine-and she said "have you nicknamed it?"-I thought for a minute, and said yeah, I'm gonna call him "shiny."