apron strings

Wordless Wednesday

On Why I Loathe Religion

Religion was basically a form of child abuse for me as a child. It has taken me over twenty years to even be able to enter a church.

We went to a then terrifying church to me. For eighteen years:

-we went to church every time the doors were open. All day on Sunday. Every Wednesday night and for every special event. Which wouldn't have been a big deal except-

-I wasn't allowed to go to children's church. I was made to sent in three hour long sermons. Three times a week. 

 -I was then quizzed on the way home about the content-starting at a very young age. If I didn't say the right thing-direconsequnces followed.  Not so much by my mom-but she sure as heck didn't do anything about it.

-Special events involved plays where J.esus being nailed to the cross and led bleeding through the aisles. At the time I didn't realize it was fake blood.

-We weren't allowed to trick-or-treat or believe in Santa. They are false Gods after all. You know Santa is an evil man!

There is a lot more, but it's obvious that it wasn't right. Unjust in fact.

____

Not to mention their beliefs were inane.

-they believed that if you murdered 20 people-and then confessed your sins-you would go to heaven.

-But that anyother religion sent their parishioners straight to hell. Including eighty-year old grandmothers who had likely never committed a sin in their lives.

-Though it was a mega church-with over 20,000 members- I never saw an African American Family. Likely because we were taught that it was a sin to date outside of your race. Because, yeah--God is all about racism.

-This was the hardest part--they continually told my mom that it was a grave sin to break the 'covenant of marriage' by a divorce. Even though her marriage resulted stays in domestic violence shelters and hospital stays.

___

Luckily through counseling I refuse to let my childhood effect my adult life. This growth has finally let me return to church. At first I went to a Quaker church-mainly because they don't believe in sermons-in fact their services are silent. Most important, they don't believe in violence of any sort, they believe the belief in God means lifting people out of poverty. I would still go there but K thinks that it is "too crunchy."

I love my Church now. So much so that I, for the first time in my life, went to church alone. And even participated. I love, love, love my church. Th priest gave an awesome teaching on how God is everywhere when....women are allowed leadership in the church, when the first gay priest was sworn in, when people limit their environmental abuse, when anyone helps the less fortunate around us.

Not that I think going to church makes you a good person. As my favorite Aunt says ...."going to McDonald's doesn't make you a hamburger." 

Wow, now that I right that out--I deserve a medal for having the strengh to even walk into a chruch! Or at least a star sticker on my bulletin. More than anything, Cate deserves exposure to faith. To hope. To a community that believes in a sane God and a moral upbringing with support from the church.

So, in a big way, this Sunday is a celebration of my moving on and Cate's entry into faith. Which I am proud of and very much looking forward to.

The Next Seven Days Are Leading up To Second Biggest Event in My Life

We are officially baptizing Cate. Followed  by a formal catered event at our home. We are spending more per person then we did at our wedding. We really shouldn't have taken the money out of savings to do so.

Her eternal salvation is not important to K and I. Officially acknowledging her entrance into our community is very important to us, her immediate family, and her then to be Godparents.

Our formerly acknowledgment of our commit to raising her with a instinctive moral compass is our purpose in life. Religion, as you know, are two distinctive issues. It is a mistake to only teach a child religion. Because if they turn their backs-on your chosen religion for them-they lose all sense of morality. For instance-if we teach her only our religion-which promotes sexual relations within the confines of marriage-ans she forsakes her religion-how will she decide when it is time? (I appreciate, in advance, your comments on said distinction.)

Her Godmother is the most moral person I know. If she found herself in control of a million dollars, that was not hers-that not a single soul would know if she kept it...she would give it back. She is also, as a lifetime prosecutor, armed at all times-i.e. she carries her gun in her car and hides it in her home. Which, I don't like, but that's my only issue. K loves that she is a sports fanatic and will help him in making Cate a lifelong sports fan.

Her Godfather, is K's lifelong friend, who taught with K in Watts for Teach for America, and whose family loves our family, and whose Judge Father basically got me into my law school. (I earned the right to be at the starting line--he just put me at the start.)

If any of you are in the area--we would love to have you at our home. After all-you all are our community too.

I plan to blog up until the big day. Pictures to come.

xoxo

I Am Not A Freak!

Throughout my entire life I have felt like a freak. Because I learn best when I think/read/write--while in motion. I wrote and write all papers while running/walking on a treadmill.

I think super fast. Which doesn't always mean better-though in my experience it does. 

My activity-while thinking learning style-obviously worked. I was the first person to finish every section of the bar exam when I sat for it. Out of 3,000 people.  In fact-I was the freak doing cartwheels outside of the conference center before I sat for the bar exam. It got rid of all my nervous energy. 

I also finished my undergraduate writing exam-first-out of 5,000 people. And scored in the top two percent. 

Law school basically did not contribute to my legal knowledge. (with the exception of Moot Court and being grilled via the Socratic method.) Sitting still in class bored me to no end.

For a lot of reasons I am so glad to feel normal. Finally.   

This study finally puts my in the majority of learners. 

Law school basically did not contribute to my legal knowledge. Sitting still in class bored me to no end. 

What is your learning style?

On Becoming Idiot Savants.

So, my husband and I are no longer intelligent, if we ever were. Actually, he was, and I'd like to think I was. Was. 

Paying our student loans every month were sad. So Sad. A sad reminder of what was. 

I faced my lack of brain power while cleaning out our office. I stumbled across k's senior thesis from his undergrad. Which earned him a graduation with honors at the highest ranked United States college. 

Trying to comprehend the following stumped both k and myself. 

Seriously, the following made my and k's  (the author!) brains nearly stop functioning from under use. Which produced nothing but confusion: 

Introduction: The Preface and Related Subjects."

In a well known and often debated essay, "The Jamesian Lie," Leo Bersani describes the "structurally functional view of the character" which he argues Henry James repeatedly advances in the Preface to his completed works. What interests James in his character are their relations, as the epigraph from his preface to the The Awkward Age explicitly states; a d according to Besani, this relational interest locates the value for these characters in "nothing but their contributive place" in an "autonomous geometric.  "

After reading the above, and successfully-somehow avoiding almost immediate vertigo, my  mind went back to a forwarded email to me--that I did understand:

Here's all I get from the previous passage:

1. WTF

2. Henry James felt pretty seriously about "relations."

3. WTF

4. What geometric pattern isn't autonomous. Patterns-don't generally- hang out together. Hello--clashing after age 5 is tacky!

Help. I want and need my brain back. I read the NY Times! Read legal cases and write about them all day long. Maybe I am just not capable anymore. 

Is brain power like riding a bike? Once you learn you can do it again? 

Do you understand ANY of the above--if so--help me gain some of my brain power back. Please, I'm desperate. 

Pregnant Woman Kills Ineffective Attorney.

Or at least I wanted to. 

I realized last week, after three solid weeks of intensely hard legal work--that's it's not the work I mind--it's the lack of hard work that I felt I provided my clients throughout my pregnancy and early motherhood. 

There are too many attorneys who suck. Honestly the bar exam doesn't weed out the riff raff. And logic alone does not make a great attorney. Mostly because they back down from triable cases and sell out their clients. And lack personality. That sounds cocky-but a one day visit to criminal court will convince you. 

I am occasionally appalled by my peers. 

I also realized that I am not even in the minority of great of even good photographers. MAny of you and in the general population are better. Or could be. That's okay, I know my strengths. 

I am a good trial attorney, a good small business owner and an advocate who cares (too much for my own good) about my clients, their lives and their families. 

I also live to speak in public. I don't know that that is the best thing. So, I am digging my job today--writing a paper to be presented by me to over a 1,000 attorneys-- On their representation of immigrants. 

Do you think you are in the right profession? Are you fulfilled? Do you jump out of bed to go to work? 

Are you a worker bee? An old tale from tao talks about how there are worker bees and those who are content. The worker bees must work for a sense of self. More intelligent bees-do not work at all. 

I am a worker bee. You?

And, I need to try cases, to advocate for my clients-to fight the good fight. It's the sun in my belly.