apron strings

an apology

I owe you all an apology. 

With the free time I so clearly had before Cate (known as she devil/the commander in other circles) I could have solved world peace. Perhaps even the current financial crisis. (as I type our remaining dog, Winston is licking baby spit up off the floor-should I stop him?). Honestly, what the hay did I do with all.that.time?

Though, recently, in an effort to at least calm the chaos in my life, I have done two other things which, when I can find more time, I will tell you about. One is controversial the other just gives me six less inches of drama. 

However, I somehow, still unknown to me, did manage a ((GASP)) sewing project, which is my favorite thus far. Seriously, people it's neat-o. I would snap some pictures and show you now, but it's one thing to blog while pumping and quite another to pump and take pictures. 

Cate is asleep and I am about to be. (yes, it is 7:30 p.m. quit laughing.)

ORDER IN THE COURT!

Good Lord almighty. "ORDER IN THE COURT" plays through my head, on replay, every second that I am in my chaotic home.* 

Too many helpers+trying to get Cate on a nap schedule+baby life=INSANITY

Dear Two nannies, Both Mimi's, and Housekeepers, 

Just a couple of things:

Cate will always fuss when she is put down for a nap. She would rather play. Really. Listen to her red eyes. 

Please "think" before you reorganize my child's entire room. You might have noticed that after you took every last piece of clothing from her dresser and her closet-THREE TIMES- and reorganized it ALL THREE TIMES- that it was undone the very next day. What you apparently DIDN'T KNOW, is that the clothes, before your "helpful" reorganization- is that I pounded the floor with both fists after every one like Charleston Heston screaming "you damn dirty apes." 

WHY DID IT NOT OCCUR TO YOU THAT EVERYTHING WAS DIVIDED BY SIZE BEFORE YOUR "HELPFUL" REORGANIZATION" ?!?!? Though my own sense of geometry is lacking to say the least, even *I* realize that something that is 50' long is not going to fit the 25' inch long baby that is in my-and your- arms everyday. 

Or, why did it not occur to you that if I took clothes out of her drawers and put them in a box in the back of her closet -that were about 12" long-that maybe... just maybe, THE CLOTHES WERE TOO SMALL? 

So, please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, if you must reorganize *think" before doing so. 

Speaking of *thinking* -please do not PUT GLASS UNDER OUR PILLOWS. While I am sure you meant to help us by 'putting away' our framed wedding picture but your choice of placement was bizarre to say the least. Behind the two rows of pillows on our bed? Sure, why not. In my exhaustion I didn't realize you had hidden it there-until four in the morning when I felt something digging into my cheek. 

The mark it imprinted on my face wasn't so grand to wear into court the next day. 

Lastly, please understand that, to survive, I must live in a world of lies to myself. There is no reason to reset all the clocks in the entire house. There is a reason they are five minutes fast. Okay, okay, maybe starting 10 pounds light on the scale is a bit overkill, but it helps me pretend the forty-five pounds I gained during my pregnancy no longer exist. Not to mention as a citizen-the weight on the scale must match that on my license. The picture on my license, taken when I was 9 months pregnant notwithstanding. 

Lastly, please do not reorganize the kitchen, because at three in the morning I am not so good at finding things, nor is k(he is a man) EVER.

mm'kay? Believe me, I am this <> close to insanity.  

*The only time I ever hear "ORDER IN THE COURT," is in my mind at the present time and on court shows--Not one time in real court in over five years. See how much random information that you don't need to know you learn on this blog? You're welcome, sweet pea.

because sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

So, we've done the unthinkable. Well, what was unthinkable four months ago.   

We found one of our dogs, Cricket, a new home.  I still can't believe it. 

This is why I thought think you all might hate me. (though I can't imagine and/or don't care if anyone did). Those of you who thought it was that I was not going to blog are funny. Seriously. Would anyone miss my woe is me posts or those involving bodily secretions?!?

(how funny is this picture? she looked like this at least twice a week when we got home from work.)

Today, our first day without two dogs, was one of the calmest we've had in months. 

I decided it to do it-or at least see if we could- in the last couple of weeks. It's not that we don't love Cricket, because we do. Which is why I cried on the way home.

Cricket added too much chaos. She dug 15 or so 3x2, 3 feet deep trenches in the two year old sod in the back yard. That promptly gathers water which she then jumps in and thus gets red mud all over herself. This wasn't an issue when we could wash her everyday-but with a baby it was just too much. So then she had to stay out outside-or in the finished basement from the dog door. And Winston, our other dog, had to stay with her. Which meant we had two dogs that weren't as happy as they should have been.

Which is why she drug so much mud into our two year old finished basement-and ruined the carpet. She even dug through carpet, the liner to the sub floor.  All in all, it will easily cost us thousands to re-floor and -oh I forgot-to do the sheet rock that she clawed with so much red mud that it would bleed through any paint should we paint over it. 

I feel bad saying all of that-because all those things that makes sense-but what really made her and Winston together too much to take-was their constantly wrestling. They always did it around Cate, and sometimes they hit the swing while she was in it. And their barks freaked her out and always woke her up during the middle of a nap. 

So, it wasn't so much Cricket as it was Winston and Cricket together. They got so jealous that you couldn't even pet one without the other trying to jump all over you. Bringing home Cate and the resulting even more divided attention made it even worse. They had to sleep in the dog area downstairs-because two dogs is too many in the family bed. 

While I sobbed on the way home from giving her to the other family and even had to fight the urge to call them to go back to get her---I know that we've done the right thing. And for the right family. Though, I told them should it not be a good fit that we'd be happy to take her back with no questions. 

The family that adopted Cricket, has three kids, and a farm and need a dog who digs. (Cricket is a Carin terrier mix-who used to be bred to be rat dogs-thus the digging.) Most of all-this sweet family had a sad little boy whose dog died in October who visited his dog's grave everyday in the backyard. Apparently said little boy hugged Cricket all the way home, 

and all three kids fought over

who would get to sleep with Cricket on her first night in her new home.

(this is Cricket on the way to her new home-in the arms of her new friend.)

Today was better. So.much.less.chaos. It feels good to have made one of many hard decisions as a mom-and doing so without apology. 

Dear G-d it's me apronstrings DO YOU HEAR ME?

This post should be called the one in which I USE A LOT OF CAPS. 

dear potential creator-if you have any control over the flow of my life, you must want to SEE ME SOONER as you are literally TAKING YEARS OFF OF MY LIFE. Trust me, you don't want me any sooner. I'm snaky, overly chit-chatty and tired. So,  so, so tired.  Seriously, you want to delay my arrival as long as possible. Doubt me? Just ask k how annoying I am to be around in my current INSANE STATE. 

Yesterday? Not.so. fun. After Thursday's debacle, I called said nanny Thursday night to make sure said nanny would be on time so that I could get to the office to meet with a client that I had reschedule before due to nanny's lateness. I asked her to be at our house at 7:30 a.m. I confirmed THREE TIMES said request. Because this client had already been rescheduled. Because she was referred to me by an attorney who refers me clients all the time. (the last thing I need after bascially working part-time for the past however many weeks is for attorneys to stop referring clients to me.) Because as it happens my employees seem to like to eat. 

At 8:30 she hadn't shown up.  And wouldn't ANSWER MY REPEATED PHONE CALLS TO HER CELL PHONE. Twenty minutes before my appointment (my work is forty minutes away with traffic-which is why I was leaving before traffic HAD SHE SHOWN UP ON TIME) I called k at work. Teary eyed at this point from frustration. I had to call him three times because, I don't know, HE WAS SPEAKING TO 150 people. He made arrangements to leave work to come to my work to pick up Cate because at that point I had her loaded up in the car. SCREAMING because i woke her up from her first sleep IN 16 HOURS. 

At 9:30 said nanny casually rolled into the driveway. I WAS TEMPTED TO HURT HER, but I had to go and she was about to be caring for the most precious thing in my life. So, when she said she was late because of traffic (SHE LIVES   one exit away and the drive is against traffic but WHATEVER) I said "oh."

So, I head to work, find out that THANK GOD my client was running late. She ended up running waaayyy late (she had to come downtown with 1.5 million other people-so I get that.) 

I saw --like a mirage after days of walking without water and hot burning- feet kind of sand,  I saw a Starbucks. Oh the sweet and tempting site made my tired eyes sag a little less. I *sort of* raced a car to the drive thru. Because I needed coffee. A lot of coffee. And I didn't give a rat's ass about humanity. Of course I paid for the person's, now behind me,  entire order, because try as I might, I, unfortunately, can't help but care about humanity. (somewhere in my brain I realize that that the previous sentence is a run on sentence but I don't have the brain power to edit it)(and I DON'T CARE). Though what the hell they ordered that cost THIRTY TWO DOLLARS IS BESIDE ME.  

Because humanity doesn't care about my need for Starbucks, I nearly flattened my tire running over the curb to *sort of* break in line at the drive thru at Starbucks. I say *think* because the (!) light for the tires immediately came on and I haven't had a chance to investigate said light that is still on at the moment. 

I said I would IMMEDIATELY HIRE A NEW NANNY. But she folded and organized all of Cate's clothes while I was at work. And all worked out (said client got reaaallllly lost and hired me.) More than anything she calls Cate 'le princessa.' I know. 

So, that's it. That's how life is. That's why I will leave this world too early. 

 

on a day in the life.

Yeah, pass me a drink. pronto. 

So this morning, after Cate made the decision to keep me awake for 10 hours.... it occurred to me that k and I failed to coordinate the nanny's schedule.

  

My entire neighborhood left to head to Washington. Poor me alone in neighborhood--my neighbors are evil--they like to have fun without me. 

 

This lack of nanny coordination wouldn't be a problem, except I needed to go to the office and said nanny doesn't not speak English. She is legal, so feel free to nominate me to the Supreme Court. 

I prayed to G-d and the heavens I hoped that she would show up to take Cate off of my hand  to rip my darling from my loving and patient arms. I thought she would show up at 8:30. Not so much. Which was fine with me, because honestly who wants to be an attorney when you've got a real cutie on your hands? Of course there are my clients  to attend to  who are  demanding and occasionally annoying are kind and appreciate my forced servitude work. 

About three minutes after I got ready to nurse Cate, the nanny showed up. I went to the door, opened it, which promptly set off the alarm. Which extra alerted the police who were notified that our almost empty neighborhood had had a break in just recently.

I won't bore the two of you who are still reading (G-d bless you) with the rest.   Mainly because I have just found the time to, er relieve my poor (.)(.)'s of the milk that has been there for hours. and hours. And I have to leave for court in ten minutes. 

!!! Wanna Play ?!? Wordless Wednesday

resolved.

what are your new year's resolutions? 

mine. I resolve some sort of resolution every year. I like that it's not only a new year but a also the start of my next year on the planet as my birthday is New Year's Eve. I try to make them goals that I can achieve. 

so, in no particular order.....

1. to do something creative at least once a month. I've realized that my pregnancy and raising Cate for three months cut out a year of my creative life. Of course, it was and is worth every second. I need to be creative to live a full life. wish me luck!

2. to learn the technology that I own. I have an ipod, mac, a professional photo printer, microsoft money. photoshop. video editing software, a camera, etc....and the sad part is that I don't utilize half the potential of any of them. so, I plan to read the manuals, etc. 

3. to breastfeed for a year. i'm at 4 months and besides being a time suck-pun intended-it's easy. no kidding. i pump 16-18 ounces a DAY if I don't nurse Cate more than a couple of times. TWICE a day. I know. god only knows what my (.)(.) will like like in a year from so much production, but i don't care in the end. 

4. to get my finances in order. Recently I discovered how much we overspend on monthly expenses. I almost switched my office AT&T service to vonage, but wouldn't you know when I called At&T and my phone bill was cut in half. It went from $300. to $150. I almost left on principal, but then I remembered how expenisve principals are. Next I cancelled our landscapers. They spent a whoping 20 minutes at our house supposedly blowing the leaves off of our yard and the deck.They do that twice a month for $180.00. That's more per hour than I charge my clients as an attorney. Next, I am going to join our insurance policies, and see if I can't cut our landline phone bill down. We barely use it. And why in G-d's name do we pay $90.00 for basic cable. Plus $60.00 for wireless?!?! Insanity I tell you. I welcome any other ideas. 

The following are sort of secondary goals that will hopefully be just icing on the cake. 

-to continue last year's green efforts. 

-to live every second. even if that means listening to my body's request for more rest. that means more sewing, more outings , exercise, eat better, less couch time.

-to continue reading a book at least a book a month. Last year I read more than twelve, but that was when I slept at night.  

-no apologies for my decisions. (one that you might hate me for is forthcoming.)

What are yours? 

Do you think you can stick to them? 

Did you achieve last year's? 

spill. jealous minds want to know.

a shout out.

I LOVE my new header. She ** told me about a fellow blogger who makes headers for bloggers to raise money for her FET. (Which worked)(but we all know that the $ doesn't end there.) She only charges $25.00 which is a steal.

 

Here is the creative blogger, Calliope at Creating Motherhood. Here is the link for a header. 

**she has some delicious news of her own. 

it's all for you.

 

The second you bring the little one home from the hospital you change.

1.   You’ll experience love like no other. From the second the little alien arrives in your arms, you’ll know that you love them more than anything. More than even your spouse. You will also know that your spouse loves the little alien more than you. That thought will make you happy.

2.      In fact, you’ll know that you love them so much that you would die for them.

3.   You will find patience you always knew you didn’t have.

4.   You will try not to think about how much you love them, because it will always make you cry.

5.      You will care less about everything in your life than the little one.

6.   You will begin a battle with stink. Fighting smelling like sour milk. And baby pee. You will never win. You will eventually not care and give up the fight.

7.   You will soon exaggerate all of your expressions. And talk in high pitch noises anytime little one is in the room. Though you might forget and say “daddy is sheepie.” When your spouse falls asleep on the couch long after little one has retired to her crib.

8.      You will find out what exhaustion is. You will fall asleep on the toilet. During the three seconds you are peeing. You will wake up in strange places, most often the nursery floor.

9.   You will quit watching the news and any and all crime shows. Because they might involve someone harming a child.

10.                 You will leave the house with baby spit up on your suit and try to remember to wipe it off at a red light on the way to work.

11.                 You will learn to say no to people who ask things of you. Except your little one.

12.                                  You will love your mom more.

13.                 You will sneak into little one’s room to make sure that they are breathing. Probably until they leave the house for college.

14.                 You will realize what a potty mouth you have. And you will start saying “darnit” a lot.

15.                 You will love your spouse more. And try to make them love you more. You will do everything in your power to make your marriage strong.

16.                 You will suddenly look older. Sleep deprivation does that. You won’t care.

17.                 You will eat better. Bad eating habits may make you leave this world sooner and everything in your being wants to starve that off as long as possible.

18.                 You will suddenly start spending less money on you. You will add to your savings.

19.                 You will find yourself smiling at the thought of little one. Every time you think of them. Which is all day.

More than anything you will wonder how freaking lucky you are to have this little one in your life..

cate's corner. one infant's assessment of the holidays.

 

 

well, I guess if I had to give the holiday season a grade, I’d give it an A-. The season began with me finally being able to ‘see’ (literally, remember I’m an infant) my cousins. Seriously, those kids are CUTE. My cousin, little boy c, makes me smile and coo. He makes these insane faces. My parents to get all cute with these semi-entertaining faces but compared to little boy c, all I can say is “yaaaaawwwwnnnnn.” And my cousin re-re loves Cate. She feels bad for me when my pacy falls out that she finds it and gives it to me. Though, since she is only 15 months old she thinks it goes on my forehead. Which, when you desperately want your pacy you end up biting the air which only further confuses your cousin. And makes your parents chuckle. Yeah, real funny. We’ll see who’s laughing at 2:30 in the morning.

 

My mom talked and talked about some man named Santa who brings good kids like me presents. I am somewhat pro-present but mostly I just like to chew on my hands and drink milk. He was huge and wearing some freaky twine thing on his head that hypnotized Cate. Though maybe it was his soft coat.

 

 

Then my mom took me to see some big green guy called the Grinch. I liked the story, but when mom put me in his arms, it was unsettling to say the least. Mom and her photo opps make me fussy. All the bright lights and hoopla is a lot for this four month old.

 

My mom showed up one day with a “Peek A Boo Christmas Book.”  I found it slightly entertaining, if repetitive, the first few times with its “where is the Santa…. here he is…” All was fine and well until the snowman. Mom, oblivious to the harm that wait, read” where is the snow man?” with that “There he is!!!” he was lying in wait behind a flap. Before I knew it, Cate realized that this snowman WANTED TO EAT CATE.  Terrifying people. Terrifying. Mom, being clearly ignorant of this snowman’s wryly ways did the same thing the next day. Again, the snowman TRIED TO EAT CATE.   The snowman, as only someone who EATS CATES could be, is one scary white wet guy. Don’t let his corn pipe nose and two button eyes trick you.

 

Santa brought me a pig called Olivia who kisses me a lot. When I cry in the car seat she dances all around. I try to keep crying but sometimes she is so sweet and generous with her kisses that I accidentally smile. Then I remember that I am very unhappy and need to be screaming.

 

All in all, I liked my cousins, the big red guy and my new friend Olivia the Pig. And as long as the snowman WHO EATS INFANTS stays tucked away in the book basket, I look forward to the New Year. My new year’s resolution? To sit up and try to get dad to sleep with me in the glider every night.