updates and comments on comments.

you guys are great. i felt like maybe i sounded too snotty or ungrateful or made k sound that way. to repair his PR-you should know that his goal in life is to retire early with $$ in the bank for our family to become a principal in a struggling school. as in compton, CA.

he may be brilliant intellectually-but emotionally not.so.much. he knows that. he is a living example of the need for emotional intelligence. this makes being married to him sometimes tough. and demands a thick skin.

i took ALL feedback to heart. we began hugging for 60 seconds. it *does* make a difference. it would even be better to look each other in the eyes for that long-but i can't. yet. strange.

i made some phone calls and will be making an appointment today. we've decided for him to go on his own and for me to try self-help. we have to pay out of pocket and his counseling is $300./month.

he knows he needs to go, but he would never make the first appointment. though, i ma going to-and i know he won't cancel it. i told him that his getting help is nonnegotiable. which is basically what he told me before i went last december. which i needed to hear.

i am glad you all 'get' k. he is only as good as his success. or so he thinks. because his upward ascent has stalled, he views himself as an absolute failure. which is not okay. or true.

regarding the professional advice-CEO in waiting can't really pull strings at this stage-because k is already a marked man 'big dude form corporate who will achieve more than me.' g-d forbid the CEO in waiting do anything. nobody likes a teachers pet.

we have thought about his getting a MBA. and i think it's doable for not too much of a monetary investment. i think he'd get into Yale or the like (ivy grad schools are-or so they say-much easier to get into that their ungrad's.) then he could use that to pressure a local school like e.mory to give him $$. but we do have so many loans, i think around $160,000. no kidding. and his working in the field is basically free, easier on him and our family.

in two years, he will make more than the average MBA.

so, it's tough.

thanks for listening. really you guys rock.

oh, if you're the curious cat type, and you see teach for america's latest magazine, k gets a shout out. and you'd know who he is.

xoxoxo

Comments

[Emily]

Sounds like you are starting off on a good road. Just getting over the first appointment will make a huge difference!!!

Hang in there!

[Road Blocks and Roller Coasters]

I'm glad to hear that you've got a plan in place and that things are getting better. HUGS!

[My Reality]

My husband judges his self worth based on his career achievements. I wish I could get him to stop that. If you have any suggestions, let me know.

Too bad I don't know where to get my hands on that magazine, I would love to read about K!

[Ms. Planner]

Marriage counseling is a great way to go. And will be well worth the expense in the long run. But sorry it is so expensive now. Good for you for taking the initiative and making the appointment.

As for the MBA, one thing to keep in mind is that often your first (or even second) job outside of MBA school is not the job that utilizes all of your newly-acquired skills nor pays you at the level you should be paid. The degree really keeps upper level executive jobs open for you as your career progresses to its pinnacle. The other good news is that MBA school is only 2 years = less in loans. But still yikes. Cowboy and I had nearly 100K in MBA loans when we got out. I totally get how daunting it can be. We seriously had to sacrifice to pay them off. But it was worth it.

Lastly, and from experience, most employers recruiting from MBA schools are regionally biased, so if you want to live in the SE it might be worth it to go to school in the SE since k will make essential contacts there.

Cowboy got his MBA in his early 30's. He used to work for a large national retailer before leaving for MBA school. His post-MBA employers have liked his retail experience b/c it demonstrates that he "gets it" where the rubber meets the road: in front of the end users.

Best of luck to both of you during this trying time.

[Farah]

well it sounds like you guys have really opened up communication lines and have a goal/plan in mind. I am very happy the hugging has helped. Sometimes it is just the simplest things that have a greater impact. Cheering for you

[kate]

Eesh. Counseling sounds expensive. So worth it, I know, but expensive all the same. It does seem like you both are being really healthy and responsible about this situation.

I really do wish you all the best for an easy outcome for both of you.

[Leah]

I'm so happy you are moving forward with the counseling. I'll be thinking of you and rooting for you guys all the way. I'm glad you are trying to 60 second hug thing. It's weird that it actually works, but we really did notice a big difference. Of course when your big belly gets in the way, it ends up being more of a press-your-shoulders-to-each-other activity, but the sentiment is still the same.

Hang in there, this won't get fixed overnight but hopefully you'll see relief soon. Thank you for sharing all of these thoughts with us. It helps make us all feel more real.