I CAME UPON A STORK IN THE ROAD.........

HOW CLEVER AM I???? See, get it...stork in the road! With all this effort, I WILL be as witty as Ms. Watson one day. With any luck without the fissures.

Thanks so much for the helpful advice. I considered every statement. Every single one added to our thought process during our long conversation last night. I couldn't agree more with My Reality's (an adoptee herself) that it is too bad that so many people, and here the adoption agency, view adoption as somehow second best or the last resort. If I am honest, I have to admit that I did too...in the very beginning. In fact, it wasn't until a couple of months ago that I truly realized...that adoption isn't the same as parenting a biological child. It's different and more complicated if every bit as joyous.

While I am still going back and forth with continuing fertility treatments...I am most of time, committed to stopping them for at least six months and probably a year.

For a lot of reasons. I do want to adopt no matter what. I want an adopted child to be our first born for the reasons I wrote about yesterday.

Also, it very well may turn out to be naive of us to believe, but I have a lot of hope that we will get matched relatively quickly. Maybe even within 6-9months. We have decided that a Hispanic. baby(ies;  ) would fit nicely with our family (for a lot of well thought out reasons (that I look forward to blogging about)...mainly that they can 'pass'as ours as I have a olive complexion and thus they won't have a neon sign over their head that screams "ADOPTED!")

We think that placement will be relatively quick because the majority of the infants placed were from Hispanic birth mothers.And most of the potential adoptive parents want non-Hispanic (African-American infants or Caucasian) infants.

But who knows. I think in a year we would know and could make a better decision about IVF.

Although, the statistics don't necessarily back up to this belief. Seven families went to the training, which is only held twice a year. I think, to be on the safe side- that at least five of them will proceed. And even if you assume that 10 couples show up for the next training in July, and all of them signed up, that adds 15 couples max to the waiting list. Two out of the seven couples are African-American and the wait for African American infants, for a lot of horrible reasons...namely racism....is very short...like two-three months on average. So I am *assuming* that the African-American couples will be placed with African American infants pretty quickly.

BY THE WAY...I HATE that we had to consider Race. Hated it. But this is the Deep South, and it is what it is. I base all my opinions, on my thoughts, which may very well be misguided. I *think* that were I an African-American birth-mother, that I would only place my child with a Black family. Namely, because I cannot bear to think of my child as the only black face in a room full of white faces on Christmas morning. You know what I mean? I think it is as simple as that. (and I must say...the most racist place I have ever lived is NJ by far. Weird, eh?I think that was because I went to a very liberal lschool that had great minority programs that created a lot of resentment among a lot of naturally competitive students..but I digress). 

Last year, the agency placed ten infants for adoption. The year before that they placed 18.  They have had as many as 40 people on the waiting list and as little as 15.

I have to stop, the math is hurting my head. And who knows, because the BM chooses the adoptive parents, so the guessing really is a crap shoot. Although, the agency staff has a lot more control than they are willing to admit. One of the birth parents we met had only been shown one potential adoptive family. Weird, huh? But, they were a great match. Both very religious in the same religion and all red-heads;  ).

All three of the adoptive parents were matched within 6 months, two within three months. One family was African American, and two were Caucasian and placed with Caucasian infants.

Now, I kind of feel like an a$$. Give me a white-hood and we'll call it good. I really don't mean to be so flippant about things that are so important. And maybe it's a good idea to get my beliefs, if misguided, out there. Because, if misguided...while it would hurt, I should probably know about it.

I just am trying to figure out when we may have the infant in our arms that we have dreamt about for so long.

So, for today, we are planning on pulling out of IVF #1 and moving full steam ahead with adoption.

I would LOVE IT if anyone is good with math and can figure our odds of placement within 6 months. ;  )

 

Comments

[People with INFERTILITY PROBLEMS would be wise to look at themselves in this same light.]

There are all kinds of reverse positioning clues in regards to favor in this morbidly disfavored age:::Late bloomers have god's favor and are therefore given more time to fix their probelms and get out before puberty. People with INFERTILITY PROBLEMS would be wise to look at themselves in this same light.
Similarly, women without marriage prospects are receiving extra time as well. If they were to get married later in life the gods would just tell some man, who likely thought he was earning, that he could get divorced in a couple of years anyways.
You don't want this. You would be wise to put that time to good use, fix your problems and get off Planet Earth.

[Ms. Planner]

My 2 cents: you are already being a very good parent by considering the race issue. With adoption, as we were finding, you have to consider so many scenarios and keep the one's you are okay with and politely close the doors on the non-negotiables. We had friends adopt through an agency and they were chosen 2 weeks(!) after submitting their dossier. It is all about marketing yourselves to the birth mother. I tried to do the math on your odds but need to know how long the longest wait has been for a couple on the waiting list. xoxo. Ms. P

[Janimal]

I have a black friend who was adopted by a white family. Wonderful guy. When I went to his first apt, in his livingroom he had a HUGE portrait of MLK. On another wall a HUGE portrait of Malcolm X. It struck me at the time, how much he worked at connecting with the black community. He loves his parents, but it wasn't easy to be the only black face in the room growing up. I have thought about him a lot when we were looking into adoption. Your thoughts on the issue are right on - you know the right thing for your family.

I sooo hope you are matched quickly. But my math sucks.

[Elizabeth]

Hey, I'm a Hispanic baby, so this is great. Well, I'm grown up now. I totally understand what you say about blending in. If we were to adopt, I would do Hispanic, as well. I was actually thinking South America at the time. :) What an uplifting post!

[Kristen]

Congrats on your decision! I can see that adoption is where your heart lies. It makes me smile when you talk about holding that baby in your arms.

It's been years since my college Stat classes so I'm a bit rusty in that department. But it seems like they are pretty good at placing people quickly, which is great. I'm very excited for you. XOXO

[My Reality]

I am excited for you, Christina. I think this sounds like a fantastic plan and you will have your baby at home with you soon. I suck at giving odds, so I won't. Good luck as you go down this road. I may well be joining you in the new year.

[niobe]

Raising children -- whether bio or adopted -- is a very complicated process and I think that the more you've thought about potential issues, the better. Even though, of course, tons of issues are likely to come up that you never even dreamed of.

[JessPond]

Well I am most certainly not good at math.

But we were told that Openness and Age (as in youthfulness pearticularly) play a HUGE part in birthmom and -family's decisions. I think that you guys present yourselves well and would get picked reasonably soon.

We only were waiting about 6 months, about 9 passed from the time we sent in our pre app to the time we had Ava home with us. So you can definitely be placed quickly if your agency has a good placement rate and you're flexible on what YOU want as well.

Don't think of yourself as a racist...geesh! You don't sound racist at ALL! It's good to be thoughtful of race...you'd be retarded and just as terrible as a racist to just ignor it and pretend like there were no issues at all!! You do what's best for YOU and YOUR family, and that isn't up for others to debate anyway!

I think that your decision really seems like the one that fits you right now...and it's not like you can't go back to IF treatments if you want to sooner.

Keep on keepin' on!! :)

[Somewhat Ordinary]

Congrats on your decision!! It is exciting to know that you will get a real live baby out of this!

[Lindsay]

I think it's wonderful that you guys are moving ahead with adoption. We're going to our info session this Saturday. I understand the race issues that you're going through. Nothing to make us confront our inherent biases than adoption - it's given Mr. Badger and I lots to think about.