holy shista **UPDATE

Cure for the sting of a BFN and a pregnancy announcement (on the same day) of someone who started ttc'ing when I did TWO YEARS ago with her FIRST and this is her second....=buying a nonrefundable vaca!!!

I'm psyched and buying the vaca sooooo took the sting out of the above. k was apprehensive but when he found out he could play golf he was on board. Men...you all are so easy.

The trip and the following are proof positive that I am mid-way through a mid-fertility crisis:

-we're starting a IVF cycle that will PRAY G-D be complete by the time we leave on our vaca. Because you must know today is CD 1 and I start stims tomorrow and I will not be suppressed. (I know...not being suppressed is going to mean I get OHSS..the RE assures me that isn't the case but you now how that goes). We'll hopefully be leaving a few days after the transfer. We've got a 5 day window. (moving forward with the IVF is contingent on my not having cysts at tomorrow's u/s). How crazy is it that we're moving forward? (seriously PLEASE ADVISE) RE says air travel is fine, statistically it would be after implantation if that is going to happen. (we're likely doing a 5day transfer which implants within 48 hours).

-I'm getting my mousy brown longer-than-shoulder-length hair chopped tomorrow and dyed as blond as I can get w/out looking like a Vegas w.hore. I know- CRAZY. But, I've always wanted to do that and I've had the same hair (with the exception of once in college where I got it chopped and it was awful. Not to be but it looked like I was a softball coach. I am not kidding) for FIFTEEN YEARS! Plus, it takes forty-five minutes to blow dry and style (so that I hide the mousiness) and then it falls flat within 15 and gets pulled back in a sloppy bun. What's funny is that I promise i will cry....I don't like change. But, I must save myself from myself. Seriously, if my hair grows one inch more I'm a look alike of Andre.a Yates. YUCK!

So,

is moving ahead with IVF that we'll only have 21 days to do when it will take at least 12 ok? i really want to cycle and would love to be on vaca during the 2ww.

how crazy am i to chop and dye le hair?

***uh, remember how I said moving forward with IVF would only happen if I didn't have any cysts...um, yeah....so I have FIVE the smallest  is 23 and the largest 38. What.The.Heesy? So, that's that. I'm not upset. Although I didn't think I was upset about the IUI not working, but i started to doubt that after sobbing into my hands a snotty, snorty cry this a.m. at the RE when they told me to get a beta.

But coming up....The Story of Thin Brown Mousey to short Spiky Dykey to Blond Ambition; A Hair Story. (hair cut in T-minus two hours)

Comments

[kh]

you crack me up!!!!!!! go for the dye job, it's great fun. and always makes you feel better. if it's a mess you can fix it or cut it, oh well. nothing compared to other things you're going through....

found your blog looking for something else.... i really wish you the best in your quest. infertility is truly heart-wrenching. you're so friggin hysterical and smart.. i am sending baby vibes your way.

good luck and take care...

[Kristen]

Oh, no, I'm so sorry about the cysts. I hate those suckers.

I want to see a pic of that hair, ASAP!

[jv]

I'm sorry about the double post as well, but not as sorry as I am about the stupid cysts.

[jv]

So sorry about the failed IUI, and so sorry about the cysts. It truly truly truly sucks. Are they doing something for the cysts, birth control or something, or just waiting it out? Sending you thoughts.

[jv]

So sorry about the failed IUI, and so sorry about the cysts. It truly truly truly sucks. Are they doing something for the cysts, birth control or something, or just waiting it out? Sending you thoughts.

[Ms. Planner]

You crack me up.

"k was apprehensive but when he found out he could play golf he was on board. Men...you all are so easy."

Hysterical. OK, so no Exum Mountaineering shenanigans if you are in the middle of your two week wait after IVF, sister. I saw my friend Shack in the Denver airport yesterday and warned her you were coming.

[Lady In Waiting]

Haircut and dyed a different color and a trip - two awesome ways to cope! I did the first and am planning the second.

Glad you are planning some exciting changes. Sometimes that is the only way to feel a bit more in control - given the changes we face these days seem to be mostly negative (at least in terms of IF)!!

Today is CD1 for me as well...

[M]

Cysts = crap
Vacation = good
Hair = picture?

[allypally]

I was afraid to tell you that I flew after one of my procedures and I really believe that it affected the implantation, which was a no-go. So even though cysts suck, you will never have a doubt whether flying influenced any kind of outcome. Enjoy your vacation and spike up your do!

[Jesspond]

Sorry about the cycle.

But yay for the vaca!

Do we get pics of the hair?

[My Reality]

Fuck. Five cysts? That is serious cyst action. I think the most I have ever had is 3 or 4. I am sorry.

Go on vacation, get a fab new hairdo and wait for your ovaries to calm down. Again, I am sorry.

[serenity]

My.G0d the freaking punches keep coming, huh?

Here's what we did when our cycle was cancelled and I missed what was the start of AF so that I couldn't get another cycle in before we went to Italy.

I took a break. Drank what I wanted, ate what I wanted, and went to Italy. Came back, had a cycle, and got a BFP.

I am hoping SO hard, girl, that it works out the same way for you. Hugs.

[Jen]

It's hair, it can always grow back! :)

I am super sorry about the negative and all the cysts. You certainly need a vacation!

[Bonnie]

Yay for the vacation! I think that's a great plan. And yay for the haircut/hair color change. I hope you love it! (and yes, Bonnie is my real name:-)

[Elizabeth]

I just came back from a weekend away and am logging in tonight. So sorry you got that BFN. Have a good time on that vacation and don't put it off -- look at how many things we put off because of this whole experience.

[watson]

I would definitely do a couple of days of bed rest even though the jury is so out on the impact, I think mentally (& emotionally) it's nice to think that you're taking it sooo easy right after the transfer. But like others have said, so many women go right to work and/or travel afterwards and it works, so do what feels good to you.

I do have to 2nd what Serenity said though, I was soooo uncomfortable for the 7-8 days after the transfer when I was on that GD fluid restriction. My ovaries would swell to the size of pumpkins by the mid-afternoon and all I could do was waddle home and lay on the couch and moan and groan. So that's the only word of caution on the trip.

But here's hoping you DON'T over-stim and that you get a great number of eggs without the OHSS!!!

And as for the hair, go for it girly, but ONLY if you swear to post pictures. I did it for you and now you owe me!!!

[Abby]

Go for the hair dye. If it does not work out you can always pull a Britney Spears and get rid of all of it. I died my mousey brown hair red a few years ago.... I looked like Ronald McDonald.... So blond sounds good, but I suggest staying away from carrot top red :)

[kate]

That is probably true about the bed rest.... I mean think of all the people (damn non strugglers) who get pregnant in the middle of ALL KINDS of wacky circumstances and dont even realize it - drinking, dancing, hiking, sex, working, skiing, gymnastics, bungee jumping, pole vaulting, marathons.....heehee! You get the idea.

I just followed my Dr.'s orders to the letter, because that is what made me feel most secure. I would have never been able to forgive myself if something "strenous" that I did caused my IVF cycle to fail. Plus, what a wonderful excuse to lounge in bed and be waited on. Again though, that is ME - and you know what is best for YOU. I guess a cool vacation with your hot husband really would not fall under the "strenous" category!!! I wish you all the best!!!!

[niobe]

"I'm getting my mousy brown longer-than-shoulder-length hair chopped tomorrow and dyed as blond as I can get w/out looking like a Vegas w.hore."

You say this like looking like a Vegas w.h0re is a bad thing.

[Waiting Amy]

Vacation -- HELL yes!
Hair -- absolutely!
Stim w/o suppression -- why not?!

Seriously, I often color my hair (with one of those gradual fade home kits) after a disappointing cycle. In fact, I'm currently RED. And the dyes they used to be concerned about with pregnancy I don't think are even used anymore, plus they were mostly in dark, dark colors. So, blonde bombshell it is, I say!

Wishing you lots of luck!

[Leah]

Go on vacation. Chop and dye your hair. Do it all! Do anything and everything (within reason, and within the limits of the law) that makes you feel good, happy, and/or in control of *something*.

[Janimal]

I'm a little jealous that you get to be blonde....I've talked about it for years and have never had to nerve to do it. I asked my hairstylist to do it once and he talked me out of it. My Mom was a bottle blonde - I heart bottle blondes!
I can't believe stimming will start tomorrow! Holy Cow! If your doctor is ok with the travel, go for it. What a great way to be distracted during the 2WW. This cycle needs to work for you my dear. I know you don't like babydust but I'm throwing some at you anyway.

[Carrie]

I just love this post. I thought I was quite mad but I'm not alone!!

We are on holiday in 2 weeks too despite the fact that it is going to mess up cycling and we can't afford it and I don't do things like this.

I have blond hair for the first time in my life too. People have been strange. They say, oh why blond? (I think that means they don't like it) I think to myself, because I keep miscarrying and then shrug my shoulders. It actually amuses me. Sad, I know.

I hope the whole IVF, 2WW and holiday are all the best.

[Somewhat Ordinary]

I don't think you're crazy! I think sometimes a change is the best thing when shit isn't going the way it should. I say cross the upkeep bridge when you get there. I know plenty of people that continue to do color throughout their entire pregnancy.

[JuliaKB]

Wow-- big plans. Exciting. I like your vacation plan.

I do have to agree with Serenity's question, though-- do you have a plan for upkeep if the cycle works? There are alternatives for messing with your hair that require a lot less upkeep. There are perms, for example, that are nice and relaxed, and not 80s music video, and you can actually go the entire pregnancy without reapplying-- all it would mean is the curl would start progressively further down as the hair grows out. But maybe you just want to throw caution to the wind and go blond. :)